The Long Way Home by M. Gary Neuman

Author:M. Gary Neuman
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: ISBN:9780470450277
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2013-02-13T05:00:00+00:00

The Parent Letter

The parent letter is one of the most important exercises of the program. Its effect can be enormous. In addition to the other journal exercises you are doing in this chapter, I would like you to write a letter to each of your parents independently, speaking your truth and letting each parent know how his or her behavior has made you feel.

This letter is not meant to be sent, given, or read to your parents—ever. It should not be written or edited with the intention of it being seen by anyone. As you write, don't be concerned about your sentences being grammatically correct or whether you're meandering. I want you to write in your stream of consciousness. Just let it out and say all at once what you now know about how their divorce has affected your life.

Even if you have done this or something similar before, do it again, because this time you've allowed yourself to really dig deep and find new, insightful ways of understanding your life. Tell each parent how his or her behavior has affected your life as a child and as an adult. Let both of them know how you feel as you're writing it.

For once, be completely open and honest with your parents and yourself. Tell them how you're going to change, take back your life, and take control.

If you feel a need to say something nice, go right ahead. Many people feel a need to start off with something like “I know you love me and tried your best, but I've recently discovered . . . “ You can include all the good times you had as well.

Remember, you are doing this just for you. You need to have a moment in time when you can release your feelings and be heard by the person who is most important to you right now: you. As you'll find out in the next step, you are going to need to understand and care for yourself from this point onward. For now, however, it is important to write these letters with no barriers to what goes in them.

Writing these letters does not have to be done in any particular order in this chapter. It's just important that you write them this week, before you proceed to the next step. Also, put at least a day between the first and second letter. Too much emotion is being spent to write these letters back—to—back.

When you're ready to write, find a quiet time and space. Many people find that a good time is later in the evening when the rest of the house has quieted down. This allows you to open up and let loose with your internal dialogue.

I found these two sets of letters from people in my research group particularly moving. The writers were happy to share them in the hope that they will inspire you to get your own personal thoughts on paper.

Dear Mom,

As I go deeper with my healing, I am learning ways that I am scarred.

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